I know for most of you reading this, the first question that arises is most probably,
"Why on earth would I want to get friendly with feeling sad?"
Well, let me tell you how this has played out for me - As someone who has suffered from depression on and off since I was a teen, I would've had you believe I was "familiar" with sadness, grief and misery - in a nutshell, depression. But, I have come to realise just because the feelings and emotions of depression were lingering around me often, that didn't mean I was in a good relationship with them, and we most certainly weren't friends.
So, what does it mean to be friendly with depression? Well, for me, it started with acknowledging that I was feeling all sorts of "negative" emotions towards my sadness - feelings like shame, disgust, regret, rejection, denial, disapproval, anger, exhaustion, self-pity and the list goes on. When I would think about my sadness, I would shun it, like it wasn't welcome and that it wasn't meant to be there. So, do you want to know what happens when you aren't healthily processing your emotions and deem them unwelcome or invalid? This is suppressing parts of the psyche, parts of being human. And these parts of you get pushed deeper into the shadows of the mind, where they are left to fester and manifest even darker thoughts. It's like pushing a carton of gone-off milk to the back of the fridge expecting it to just disappear, when all it does is swell up, start to stink, change colour and eventually burst the lid right off and blindside you on some unsuspecting day with a hell of a lot more than you originally had to deal with.
I've learnt now - that depression wants my attention. The sadness has something to tell me.
If I get friendly with the emotion, if I interact with it with compassion and curiosity, I can learn to understand why it is there in the first place. I am no longer trying to banish my sadness, I no longer want to "just think positive thoughts" or find ways of "lifting my mood". No, this is a form of bypassing and avoiding. These techniques don't get to the root cause of the grief.
Want to know how to get friendly with the depression? Find the time and space to sit where you won't be disturbed, and just like when you are going to meditate, create a relaxed state of mind and body. I personally like to put some meditation music on my headphones, sit crossed legged and do a couple rounds of breathing to settle into the space. Then, when I am ready, I will focus my attention on the emotion, thought or sensations in my body. I will take note of where the sadness is felt on physically - this could be a tension in the forefront of my head, a hollowness in my heart space or a tightness in my throat (these are the usual places for me and feel similar to when I am blocking tears at a funeral or sad movie, something I've trained myself to do as a young boy as I saw crying as weakness) The physical space is important to take note of because you can focus your attention directly on it when in "communication". Whether it's a sensation in your whole body or your little toe, there is no right or wrong location here, be open to the idea that it can be somewhere / anywhere in the body. Once you have located the feeling connected to the emotion, notice how you feel about the feeling. Are you welcoming it? Are you denying it? Do you feel safe or fearful of it? This is what I am referring to when I was talking about shame, anger and the rest of the long list mentioned above. There is a good chance on some level, when you sit in the presence of your depression, it doesn't feel good, you don't want it there and you'd rather change or avoid it quick-sharp. Well, just for a couple minutes, instead of thinking it's not okay to be present with your sadness, instead tell yourself it is okay, that you are safe and that it is totally valid to feel this way. This may feel uncomfortable at first and totally alien, no doubt making you want to say "fuck this, Joe is full of shit, let's do something else." Trust me, I've been there. If you have read this far, I am assuming you want an alternative way of processing your emotions, so, stick with it, preserver, as I said, remind yourself that feeling this "negative" emotion is just as welcome as feeling a "positive" emotion (I use negative and positive, as these are general terms, but we have to learn to see all emotions are positive, just some more desirable than others.) Once you have sat with your sadness for a while and have found a way of dissipating the resistance, start communication with it. Get curious and loving towards it, and ask it questions like "Why are you here? What have you got to teach me? What do you need me to know?" Give the emotion a visual representation in your imagination, maybe a person or version of yourself. Just because this part has caused you pain in the past, doesn't mean they have to be a gruesome monster or a dark demon, give them permission to be as beautiful as they want. The purpose is to no longer vilify these emotions, but treat them as equals. From this place of friendship, we can start to feel safer in the presence of our emotions, process them and learn from them. I say it all the time, but suppression = depression, the cure is expression. Give your emotions a voice, so they don't need to be banished. It's okay to feel sad, it's all here to teach us. Hope this helps Tribe,
Any questions drop me a comment or message me directly.
Peace out, Joe
Comentarios